i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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