Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
