he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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