did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
