and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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