Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
