my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
