sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
