is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
