Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
