Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
