people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
