you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
