I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
