Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
