Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
