My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So squirting runs in the family.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
