I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
