HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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