True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
