Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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