...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
