would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
