like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize