the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
wow bdsm is so cute
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
