We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
