just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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