So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
