Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
