highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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