if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
