i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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