so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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