I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
