Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
