pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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