This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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