Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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