I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize