found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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