Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
