Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I've blown a few things in my day
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
