I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
