Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
