if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
