God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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