Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
