where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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