I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sober January is a disaster.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
