dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
