Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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