I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
