You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
