i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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