Betty ford says i'm here all night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
