Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
