Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
