you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
