My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
