i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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