apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
