ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
