Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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