we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
