I will die if light touches me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
