Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
