What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
