You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
