I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
