By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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