Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
