yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
