When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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