Sry I called you an 8
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
