I need to stop coming to work sober
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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