i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
