oh god the rape fog is back!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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