Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
