If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
