Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
