Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
